Saturday, September 27, 2014


Lately, I've been diving deep inside of myself on a quest to find my own truth. 
My truth is my existence, part of which is my self-expression.
I can see that I am part of a whole, a grand consciousness where absolutely everything is connected and woven together in this beautiful cosmic blanket that is always expanding. 
In alignment with that vision of truth, I can also see my own individuality...
Realizing that the body I am in is the only one of it's exact kind in the entire world, it is completely unique unto me and I have no choice but to be a part of it... so I must embrace every aspect of who I am and learn to love myself more with each passing moment.  I see that when you love yourself it is so easy to love others because everyone is simply a reflection of you. Loving yourself ultimately begins with forgiveness, something I'm sure we have all battled internally with. 
If it is so difficult for us to forgive others, we must ask ourselves why that is so? Is it because we haven't forgiven ourselves first?   You may be asking, what should I forgive myself for? Look inside for a moment if you will... notice the labels, restraints and rules that you may have placed on yourself. Are all of those things necessary? We often beat ourselves up inside without ever showing it to the world... there is the battle within that we are fighting with ourselves. Will we ever win? Or will we realize that there is no need for a battle?

I find this to be especially true amongst women, who have had such a long history of being held back and put down. For so long, we've lived under this patriarchal hand that has continued to push us lower and lower to the ground. Not only have women been suppressed and oppressed, they've been murdered! It almost seems as though through evolution we have been genetically coded to be strong and resilient, to fight back. Just look at all of the strong black women today in America, they keep their head held high because of what their ancestors have been through and because of the ignorance that many of them are still fighting today.  My heart goes out to all of the women of this world who are fighting to stay true to themselves, but especially to those of our time who are currently having to stand up against a wave of hatred due to the color of their skin. It baffles me that people can be so awful to their own kind! I feel I've especially witnessed this in the South (US) where racism runs very thick, to the point where our High School classmates chose to segregate themselves willingly during lunch and in between classes, with myself being one of the few people to float around and socialize with all walks of life. I remember a lot of people asking me how I "fit in so well with the black people".. I never saw people by the color of their skin, but rather by the soul in their eyes.

This, of course, can go both ways. I remember living in an area where I was one of the few "white" kids and one of two on the entire school bus. The other "white" kid was a boy named Cody. Sometimes Cody would want to sit with me, I didn't particularly care for him too much but I would let him sit there next to me. I think he felt like I was safe because I was one of his kind and I only think this because I remember the mentality of the kids on that bus. To them, they were 'black' and we were 'white' and that made us different. I witnessed firsthand what it was like to deal with racism at a young age and I feel that's probably an odd story considering it usually goes the other way around.  We were made fun of and picked on and I remember every kid on the bus chanting that Cody was my boyfriend... Why? Because he was the same skin color as me, that's why.   But you see, no one is born feeling this way... They are taught that there is a difference between people.  This mentality is placed on people at such a young age and if your entire environment is surrounding you and telling you to think a certain way, well it's hard to find a way out unless your environment changes or something brings a change to it.

Likewise, I've always felt very open to all people... something inside me has always known that everyone deserves to be treated equally. Something inside of me has always called for Justice. I remember so vividly getting into arguments with my grandmother as a child. Her and my grandfather were the only white people left in a neighborhood that was once "all-whites" and had sense then become a predominately black area of town. She's still in that house and I'm sure she probably still feels the same as she did when I was a kid, she has always been a very bitter woman. I remember her telling me that "If you ever bring a nigger in this house, you won't be allowed back. If I ever catch you dating a nigger, I will disown you." My first crush in the 6th grade was a black boy, grandma never knew. What she did know was that I had a strong opposition to her views... I can remember so clearly standing up and screaming at her and telling her that there was nothing wrong with black people. I remember crying because she would make me so angry with her set views. I would call my mom and beg to go home, because that is how much it bothered me.   When "Mamaw and PawPaw" would leave the house, I would sneak in my black friends from the neighborhood and we would all hang out eating her candy. When I heard the door open, I'd sending them rushing down the basement and out the backdoor because they knew they weren't allowed. 

It's this kind of ignorance that boils me up inside sometimes. I feel so much love for all of humanity, even those that are so incredibly ignorant like MaMaw.  She was raised to think that way and she never had the desire to climb outside of the box that she was put in because it was a comfortable place for her... But I came from that same lineage and I jumped right outside of that box and for that I am so so grateful. I've come to realize that all of the hard times I've been through (and you too!) are all a part of the journey that have made me into who I am today. If it weren't for those experiences and being fed that bitter spoon by my grandmother I may have not turned out to be the justice seeking person that I am. It's all a part of the process... another stepping stone in life. 

Everything seems to have built up to where we are now. I see where we are now as a blossoming sort of energy.  We are discovering our TRUE nature... We are connecting globally and consciously and we are FREEING ourselves..  That in itself is a huge deal, I mean, a really ginormous step in a great direction for the future or humanity.   Women are becoming more powerful, more magical, more beautiful because they are learning how to love themselves and follow their bliss.  Men are honoring these divine feminine energies and vice versa- I see it in my own home and my friends and family. 
It is so important that we all dive deeply inside of ourselves and honor our individuality as well as our interconnectedness with all walks of life... The Balance in the wold is about duality. All things are sacred: the masculine, the feminine, the light, the dark, the sun and the moon. It is all a part of this great big cosmic picture and if we want harmony then we must embrace that! 
Listen to your inner voice and if you ever feel the need to speak up, do it! 
The time is always now!

Forgive yourself and in doing so you will forgive others. Learn from the past, but don't let it rule your present. You are so much more than what you've (and others) led yourself to believe! We're all in this boat together and we've go to make sure it stays afloat, the first step is honoring ourselves and in doing so we are honoring each other. TRUTH. 
I am another you & you are another me. 

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