After a two year hiatus, I am returning to my blog!
I spent some time being swept away by the world of working day in and out in order to pay bills and do it all over again. I can't admit that I was fully committed, however, considering I did manage to sneak in a fair amount of time traveling to festivals and events- although that was also work!
It's funny how my festival jobs have came up in conversations and people laugh at it being called work. The thing is, they don't have a clue. It's work. It's hard fucking work and the majority of those lil' festy food operators are working people to the bone. I really can't think of anyone that I know in that circuit that works anything less than a twelve to fifteen hour day. I can think of plenty who are known to do far more. No, I'm not exaggerating.
I'm grateful for the experience, but as I grew over time I also saw what I deserved and what I was worth. Which is to say, I found my voice in stating what I needed. I began to speak about having decent work hours, because I knew that if I could get enough sleep, nutrition and a little time to actually enjoy the event then I could put in a solid days work of 8-10 (or maybe 12 if its a great day) hours. Needless to say, I ended up opting out of that working scene. The really good employers that opt for fairness and care about the health and experience of their employees were few and far between. I know the good ones are out there, because I eventually met them- but my time with that had come to an end. & so had my time at my regular day job.
Something had to budge. All of my time and energy was going into serving so many other people and I give little to myself. The river of creativity that flows through me became stagnant. The words that wish so badly to flow through my fingers onto paper or here on this blog had become jumbled up and tangled. I was becoming strangled by the scenarios, allowing myself to believe that I depended on them. It happens. It happens to so many of us, really. I see it all around and within my circle of friends and family. So, I have empathy for that feeling of stagnancy.
Honestly, sometimes it feels like we just have to embrace mystery and let a storm roll in every now and again to stir up the waters inside of us. To let the pools empty and fill again, spilling into one another. So, that's what it took for me. I let the storm roll in and the words starting pushing their way up my throat onto my lips and sometimes it felt like I could hardly keep up with them.